The Muslim marriage market place

We have an old and dear friend - a non assertive English gentleman. Many years ago he married a British born Muslim girl whose parents came from Pakistan. They have sons and one daughter, all brought up as Muslims in the UK. His wife is the dominant one in their marriage.

Talking to him is fascinating as it enables me to see what life is like for them - for a Muslim family in the UK.
In particular, what it is like for a young Muslim girl, educated to professional level, and looking for a husband. The story of what has happened to this lassie is quite awful. She is effectively in a market place- the marriage market place for Muslims - where as her father says  - she should have done well because she was on the path to earning a six figure salary. But one disaster has followed another.

In one - the very "suitable " man introduced by a friend turned out to be a con man and trying to marry two women at the same time, whilst relieving each family of large amounts of money. Another was a very "suitable " man - introduced by a relative who turned out to be a controlling abuser.

Each time there was a Muslim engagement/ marriage - which is not valid in British law. The man can annul this by simply saying out-loud that he is doing so. The woman cannot do this and is therefore trapped. She has to apply to a special Muslim Court (all men) to get her freedom. These courts are biased against women. They ask insulting questions about her inability to keep her husband happy and delay for months and years, preventing the woman from getting on with her life.

In some European countries it is against the law for a Muslim engagement/marriage to take place without the country's own legal form of marriage registration happening at the same time. This goes some way to protecting women and should be introduced here in the UK as soon as possible.

But where in this is LOVE. The young woman wants to please her parents who she loves and she wants to keep faith with her religion. She is presented with possible suitors and hopes that she fancies one of them enough to agree to marriage. Our friend would certainly never have made his daughter marry against her will

But - I couldn't believe the way our friend talked about his daughter - as if she were a commodity.
It has been a long time since those in the UK  viewed their daughters that way.
He and his wife have spent large amounts of money and effort getting their children "on" in the world. But - hearing him talk - it is clear that they view this as an investment. They expect to be looked after by their children in their old age in return.
Again it has been a long time since parents in the UK expected anything back from their children.

It is very easy to say that we should ban Muslim engagement/marriage to protect women but we would be horrified if we lived in a Muslim country which demanded that Christian marriage be banned.

It is quite fascinating to look at different cultures - and this is really all to do with culture and nothing to do with religion.